Can strength be found in gentleness?

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about two particular things: what it means to be a woman, and my ever-present status of being a single woman. As far as the first pondering goes, I have to say that I’ve struggled often, and more often lately, with trying to understand who I am supposed to be as a God-fearing, Jesus-lovin’, Holy Spirit-filled woman. In my times of distress I have been known to insist that life would be easier for me if I were a man. I suppose that there are times that I have felt trapped and disarmed because I am a woman, and not a man. I’ve wanted to preach (but perhaps that is only because I’ve been told I cannot). I’ve wanted to be an authority (but this most certainly is due to my own pride, rather than a desire to lead in humility). Ultimately, I think I’ve come to feel this way because after being equipped with knowledge of the Scriptures, the original biblical languages, theology, church history, hermeneutics, church leadership, etc. I’ve been unable to figure out what I’m supposed to do with all that I’ve been equipped with. Working alongside many men who are sure to become pastors, I feel like I’ve been preparing for the same future, yet that’s not the path I’m taking.

I really am beginning to realize that being a woman is something quite different than being a man. I am, shall we say, attempting to embrace my femininity… my girlishness. Let’s face it, I am a bit of a paradox – I have this weird princess complex while at the same time I want everyone to see me as the warrior chick and the wise old sage. Treat me like a delicate, fragile flower – but don’t for one second think I can’t kick your tail!

Today, I’ve been thinking over some of the things Scripture says pertaining to women. Particularly, I’ve been thinking over 1 Peter 3:3-6:

” Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hope in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”

I want more of this: gentleness… and quietness. I’m pretty much a quiet person… for the most part. As I’ve been told, I just don’t use filler words (I am just completely incapable of participating in “small talk”… it’s painful for me… and awkward… and, just ick) – when I feel like I have something important or worthwhile to say, I’ll speak. Other than that, I’ll probably just listen… except for the occasional smart remark here and there. But, I don’t know that my spirit is quiet. I don’t know just how gentle my spirit is either. I want this. I desire this greatly. I pray that God will teach me what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit, for this is precious in His sight.. it is of great worth! And for some reason, this gentleness and quietness makes me think of strength. Maybe this is how a woman is supposed to demonstrate strength, through the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

I am learning humility in God’s Word. I am learning to be beautiful and gentle and strong because of His faithfulness. It is because of Christ and His cross that I can have a gentle and quiet spirit. I am no longer at war with God. I am no longer cast off from Him.

I had a few things to say about my “singleness” but I think I’ll wait for another time to expound on that topic.